People face conflict every day, whether large or small. It can be an argument with a loved one or coworker or something as small as honking at someone in your way as you drive. Conflict, as defined by Merriam-Webster, is “competitive or opposing action of incompatibles: antagonistic state or action (as of divergent ideas, interests, or persons); as in a conflict of principles.”
At face value, conflict appears to be negative. While the definition of "conflict" is pretty much the same in every culture, how a conflict is resolved is not, and may lead to creative outcomes and solutions that wouldn’t have been seen had the conflict not arisen.
One company I worked for had approximately 200 employees from 28 nations. Twenty-eight nationalities already makes us a diverse company, but when you include multi-cultural backgrounds within those nationalities, with all their different religions, backgrounds and influences, we suddenly see a very complex mix of people and culture. Unconscious cultural influences shape our perceptions, judgments and ideas, and the ways that we deal with others.
Most would agree that diversity is good, but the impact of cultural diversity means that we are all starting from different points of reference when we are communicating with each other. With our varied cultural backgrounds come many different languages – with words and expressions that may be similar but have very different meanings. Different cultures have different styles – some formal, some informal; different ways of communicating – some direct, some indirect; different sensitivities to time – some high, some low. An open mind is key to understanding different cultural outlooks.
Anthropologist Edward Hall pioneered the study of nonverbal communication and interactions between members of different cultures. His book, The Silent Language, introduced the concept of intercultural communication as a field of study. He developed a framework for approaching intercultural communication: high-context and low-context cultures. Wikipedia states these “are terms used to describe cultures based on how explicit the messages exchanged are and how much the context means in certain situations.”
While high context cultures prefer face-to-face communication for meaning, nuance and understanding, low context cultures are more direct in their communication – relying on explicit verbal communication – and often favor electronic technology when communicating. This is a simplified overview of a complex topic (and remember that many of us come from multi-cultural backgrounds) – but for most of us it is easy to think of times where miscommunication has led to unintended conflict.
So, how do we get from conflict to conflict resolution? Managing conflict is rarely consciously thought about – most figure it out as conflicts arise and many initially delay a response because it is uncomfortable to confront another person. But with all of our different communication styles and cultural backgrounds, conflict is inevitable. It is also manageable.
If we understand that we are all starting from different perspectives influenced by many things including culture, and we are aware that conflict will happen, we can then agree that we want to build and maintain an open path to resolution.
How do we do that? Most of us were not taught how to manage conflict and disagreements growing up - we draw from our family experiences (good or bad) as a basis for conflict resolution. Try to start from a neutral place.
The first point is that you cannot resolve if you delay. To build and maintain an open path to resolution, we need to take action when conflict happens, albeit, with a few key ideas in mind:
- Be intellectually honest about your own perspective and point of view
- Be open, respectful and try to understand others outlook
- Consider historical perspectives but not at the expense of future success
- Be willing to change your perspective if needed
It’s helpful to learn and use specific techniques to resolve a conflict. Jacquelyn Smith of the Business Insider offers two pieces of advice for conflict resolution in her article “Here's Why Conflict Is Actually Good for Business”:
- Think like a mediator, not a judge
- Don’t let tensions boil over
It is useful to identify your current approach to communication and hone your skills with these steps the next time you are faced with conflict:
- Clarify the source of conflict – agree on where the gap in alignment is
- Look beyond the incident – identify the desired outcome, objective or goal
- Collaborate, cooperate and compromise - discuss ideas, barriers and solutions
- Agree (or agree to disagree), align and acknowledge – own your responsibility
How, then, can conflict be positive? Without conflict there is little opportunity for growth. Conflict is the struggle to find new solutions, to challenge the status quo – to better understand a broader idea, concept or view. Harnessing, honoring and understanding our differences – our diversity – can lead to powerful ideas through varied perspectives and create progress to move the company forward. How we choose to respond to the conflict – to resolve it – will determine how fast and how far we will grow.
